Modest Mango

Less pomp and circumstance this week I’m afraid boys… I’m entirely whacked. What I lack in ‘good chat’, I will make up for with an exciting new venture, which I will announce after the match reviews.

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Forfar Farrakhans 72-89 Woodland Warriors

Ugh, an ugly defeat for my boys this week. Tony Romo finally found a bit of rhythm and a few points, and my new star running back Michael Turner was good for 19. Have to say i’m a little worried with his 30 carries after being injured the week before… great for short term fantasy value, not so great for longer term fantasy value/or Turner’s knees. Everyone else sucked, and if i’d been a little smarter I could have grabbed a win, with 27 points left on my bench in the form of CJ Spiller and Louis Murphy.

The Warriors had a decent little performance and fully deserved the win. Rivers had the game of his life (and still lost hahahahaha SEA!) with thirty points, a sneaky 13 from the migraned Percy Harvin. With 9 points from each of Pierre Thomas, Justin Forsett and Johnny Knox, all very impressive. 

Johnny Knox is ugly.

Patapsco Basin Red-Tops 82-107 Bristow Boilermakers

A nice win for Mickey J! Top half of the league in points, the man must dizzy! Three standouts this week, 33 points from Boldin (who looks truly wicked), 12 from stupid Dwayne Bowe on a piece of Charlie Weiss razzle-dazzle, and over 100 yards again from Jermichael Finley. On the othe, the Red-Tops were less impressive this week round. A better than expected performance from Matty Ice away from home at the Superdome (23 points), and a great 20 point performance from Ced Benson, but everyone else was rubbish, including a disappointing 11 from Steven Jackson, and another injury to add to the worries. That’s one hell of a way to hurt yr groin though.

Trossachs Tantrum 85-109 Abandoned Baby Bulls

Haha! The Tantrum get spanked! DESPITE a big fat 30 from Brees and 24 from stupid Peyton Hillis. But 16 points from the 3 WRs (including Miles Austin laying an egg in Houston) was painful, as was a -3 from the Bucs defence. Seeing Hollingworth being punished for trying to be too clever here (hot 2-0 surprise team vs Charlie Batch) is very very satisfying. He could yet have won, if he’d put Mike Wallace in off his bench, but Wallace and the 23 points sad firmly on the bench.

The Bulls were solid all round, apart from at QB. Brett Favre does not look good, and 10 points is still a disappointing performance. But everything else was fine. 25 from CJ2K, 23 from Brandon Marshall, 17 from Antonio Gates (need to stress this all game once Curry, Mebane and Trufant all got injured ‘hawks Haters) and a mighty 15 from the Eagles D versus the rubbish, rubbish Jags.

Aaron Curry is crazy and he will run wildly at your quarterback AND he will miss.

Prypiat Giant Rats 113-100 Biloxi Box Turtles

I’m running out of steam here… 28 from Tom Brady! 14 from Jamaal Charles (at last!) and a mighty 30 from Austin Collie (who looks like the real goddamned deal). This was enough to beat up on a solid 100 points from the Box Turtles including 25 points from Aaron Rodgers, 18 from Darren McFadden (looking like a new man) and 22 points from DeSean Jackson! I guess the big plays weren’t a fluke last year. But no points from Shiancoe, and only 6 from Jahvid Best and Shonn Greene together, that’s where that goes wrong.

Green Oak Goblins 89-118 West End Wranglers

32 from Manning and 21 from Mendenhall, but the Goblins were let down by 3 from Jo Addai and 2 from Marques Colston and only a single point for the Patriots D who gave up 30 points to the worst team ever, the 2010 Buffalo Bills, AND their Hah-vahd educated QB. The Wranglers stomped it, with a 28 point performance at last from Joe Flacco , 30 points from Frank Gore and Ahmad Bradshaw, and 16 from Randy Moss. King of the Week this week, Neil McComb.

Fitzpatrick’s head makes my head look small, and my head is MASSIVE.

Partick Hustle 100-58 Holywood Hummingbirds

I forgot to even take notes for this one. 33 from AP and a good performance from the ageing Tony Gonzalez, who I guess isn’t washed up after all, gave the Hustle a round 100, while the H’birds had a hellish week. General disappointing performances from Eli, Ray Rice, DeAngelo WIlliams, Vernon Davis… ain’t nothing but an unlucky week.

So at the end of week 3, every team has a win! Hip Hip Hooray, three cheers for everyone. The only unbeaten team so far is the West End Wranglers, who sit atop the Central Division at 2-0-1. The top scoring team are the Hustle, with 315, and the unluckiest so far are the Goblins, with 306 points scored against. 

From next week on, i’ll throw in some new features, updating the league standings, and discussing draft successes and failures. But for now…

The Modest Mango Stupid Gambling Superchallenge!

This is my idea, which will be fleshed out in fuller detail in an email to the league. Probably. 

This is entirely stolen from the Las Vegas Hilton sportsbook. The idea is very straightforward, and has largely been spawned from my own gambling problem, and my desire to outpick the hell out of Hollingworth.

Anyone who wants to be involved (including those who are not part of this fantasy league, like any of you will have read this far hahaha) puts a tenner into the pot. Then…

Each week, on a Tuesday or Wednesday, I will post the upcoming week’s game slate, and the spread. By Sunday afternoon, each competitor will have sent me an email, with their picks for any 5 of the games. Therefore, each week, each challenger will have a record ranging from 5-0 to 0-5. Each week’s total is tallied up and at the end of Week 17, the contestant with the highest score wins the pot

FOR EXAMPLE.

This week’s game list:

Broncos (+6.5) @ Titans

Ravens (+1.5) @ Steelers

Bengals (-3) @ Browns

Panthers (+13.5) @ Saints

Niners (+6.5) @ Falcons

Seahawks (-1) @ Rams

Jets (-5) @ Bills

Lions (+14.5) @ Packers

Colts (-8) @ Jags

Texans (-3.5) @ Raiders

Cardinals (+8) @ Chargers

Redskins (+6) @ Eagles

Bears (+4) @ Giants

Patriots (-.5) @ Dolphins

Say, as an example, my entry for this week would look like

Lions, Chargers, Raiders, Colts and Giants.

If those teams all won (against the spread), my week score would be 5-0.

Is anyone interested? It’s a pretty fun way to think about weekly picks etc. I will email the league, and also check replies here. Be cool if we could get 5 or 6 guys at least to play along. 

Bye for now though, sleepy byes.

You may or may not know that I have moved from the westside of Didsbury to the eastside of Didsbury. English Glen and a few others have even stayed up in the towers where I now reside. Ostensibly I still live in Didsbury, the young professionaldom of south Manchester, but it reality I live 200 yards from Burnage train station. Anyway, I explored my new postcode by foot this morning and here’s what I saw:

• two cheeky little Mancs on a Sunday morning jaunt looking pleased as punch with their new Audi hubcap;
• one baggy-eyed Manc looking pleased as punch with his chips and gravy after a big night out;
• a load of Manc police officers about 150 yards up my road looking pleased as punch with their special tents set up, forensic police in appropriate attire and road barricaded (since yesterday evening)… Yes there appears to have been a murder here last night. I can only assume Cheese pissed off one person too many last night.

Roll up, roll up, it’s your week two update right here on the Most Modest of Mangoes. 

Fun little week in the NFL. The Lions kind of could, maybe should, be 2-0. The Bucs ARE 2-0. As are the QB-less Steelers. The Panthers suck. The Jets might yet pull it off. Oh yeah, the Vikes are 0-2. Buffalo might be worse than the 2008 Lions. The 2010 NFC West is the worst football division OF ALL TIME.

There are some quarterback controversies going on, which are exciting and god-awful for fantasy players. Jimmy Clausen is getting his first start next week, but that isn’t relevant. Um, VY got dropped but that’s just ‘cos he was balls, he’s still the starter, apparently. Pittsburgh had a funny ole weekend. As they wait for Big Ben to return in Week 5, they apparently felt good enough about Dennis Dixon to drop Byron Leftwich on Saturday, with the plan of re-signing him on the Monday. Probably a contract/game day cheque thing that I don’t care enough to read up on. But anyway, a quarter into the game, Dixon goes down, torn lateral meniscus. As Simmons tweeted, ‘Good god! Is that… Charlie Batch’s music?!’. Batch threw for 20-something yards in 3 quarters, and he still wins. Awesome.

Charlie Batch is fucking awful.

The big news is obviously in Philly. Despite making a fuss all week that there was no controversy, and Kevin Kolb is his starting QB, Andy Reid gets the organization to tweet yesterday that Mike Vick is the new starter. Prompting this classy front page in Philly today…

Come on… 

As great as Vick has been playing (lightning legs, accuracy seems to be there), this.is.stupid. Kolb is the guy. That’s why they traded their fucking franchise pro-bowl QB to their division rivals. I’m hoping real hard that Reid is being sneaky-sneaky, showcasing Vick against the rubbish Jags this week, and then hoping to sell him high to a panicky team with no QB. There sure is a market of panicky teams with no QB. Buffalo. Minny. Oakland. The goddamned Cardinals. All those teams would be about 35% better with Mike Vick. 

But maybe all the friggin’ cheesesteak grease has just gone to his head and he’s now a goddamned idiot. Fix it, Andy Reid. Fix it. 

Anyway, a million people are paid to write about this stuff. You do not care what a grain dryer operator from a small, ornate market town in Angus, Scotland has to say on these matters. Here is the stuff I have the authority to write about. MANGO TOUR LEAGUE FOOTBALL!

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Idiots Swapping With Other Idiots

Introducing a new segment this week, Idiots Swapping With Other Idiots will highlight selected trades within the league. First of all, i’m excited that there have been trades already. I really was happy with how the league went last year, but an area i’m keen to see developed over the next few years is an increase in trading. Trading is fun, and we should all do more of it. 

So we have two trades to talk about this week. First up is a straight swap which I lambasted immediately upon seeing it. The Hustle traded Mike Vick to the Giant Rats, in exchange for Santana Moss. My initial reaction was that this trade was stupid for both teams, but I think I particularly picked on Philip, because that is what I am wont to do. Mike Vick, especially if traded, is going to be a damned useful fantasy QB due to his legs. I also assumed that Santana Moss has fantasy value equivalent to a small nectarine. I say this having owned him in various leagues for the last 2 years. I loathe Santana Moss. Yet Santana Moss saved Philip’s Asian Ass this week, with 89 receiving yards. Washington’s offence is much better than I thought it would be, and Moss might be handy. 

Looking at it now though, after a week… the Rats totally won this trade. Hell, if they had played Vick instead of Brady this week, they would have won their match up. There’s no way you keep Vick over keeping Brady, but in this league Brett Favre, Matt Ryan and Alex Smith are starting quarterbacks. There’s three teams which I assume would be interested in trading for a top 10 QB with rushing ability. Michael has essentially flipped Santana Moss for a very valuable piece of trade bait. 

(Disclaimer- There were rumblings on the email that this trade was something of a pre-planned arrangement, and bullshit has been suggested. The Commissioner’s Committee on Trade Shenanigans’ investigation continues.)

The second trade is more difficult to evaluate.The Warriors flipped Vincent Jackson to the Wranglers in exchange for Justin Forsett and Johnny Knox. Hm. 

Knox had a nice game this weekend, but Aromashodu was absent for the Bears, and I still like him as the top Bears WR this year. Saying that, Cutler was entirely bad ass, and the Martz/Cutler connection might well prove cash money enough for a few receivers this year. Justin Forsett is clearly the best running back on the Seattle Seahawks, and he should be getting 20 touches a game. But he isn’t. He’s sharing with Leon Washington and Julius ‘Are you kidding me’ Jones. And the new fullback. And even if he was getting the touches, the offensive line changes every week in Seattle, and they can’t run block for shit. I’m not sure there will be a week all season where you could feel comfortable starting Justin Forsett. 

I saw Mike Martz smile on Sunday. I promise, I totally did.

But on the other side… Vincent Jackson. He has something like 24 hours now to be traded, or there is a chance we wont see him all season. If he doesn’t get shipped off to Washington or the Vikes, he’ll no doubt report to the Chargers by week 9, so as to get his $$$. But there’s no guarantee they’ll even use him. If Jackson is traded, the Wranglers have dominated this trade, because he’ll automatically be the top wideout on whatever team he ends up on. McNabb or Favre would most likely sacrifice their right tackle to have a deep threat like Jackson to throw downfield at. We shall see, I guess.

The Wranglers defo didn’t need Jackson. They have Moss, Jennings and Floyd. But it makes sense to grab him. If Jackson somehow comes back to the Chargers, he replaces Floyd in that line up and that’s dandy. If he moves on… good god that’s a great corp of WRs. Conversely, the Warriors absolutely needed a WR that is playing NOW. No one should have to start Laurent Robinson in a 12 team league. That’s truly desperate stuff. It’ll happen if you draft the Jets D in the 4th round though…

Week 2 Matches

Bristow Boilermakers 56-79 Trossachs Tantrum

Early contender for Sucky Game Of the Week, but couldn’t do it out of respect for the only team at 2-0, the Tantrum. The Boilermakers, conversely, are the only team at 0-2. They do not look great. Alex Smith kind of redeemed himself a little with a good game, and a decent 17 points, but the rest of the team sucked. 48 yards and a fumble gave MJD 2 points, Brandon Jacobs worked his big fat butt off for an impressive 8 yards on 4 carries. That would be no point. Boldin, Fitzgerald and Bowe combined for 15 points. That should be a solid group of wideouts, but good god are all their QBs playing like total ass. And despite the Bears defense totally dominating stupid Dallas, they only get 7 fantasy points. The Tantrum were fine, but not outstanding. 22 points from Brees, 12 points for Stupid Arian Foster, 15 for Miles Austin and 13 for Roddy White. Roddy White is going to be huge this year. He appears to be the only receiver that Matt Ryan can see when he drops back. 30 targets or something in 2 games. Yucky.

That’s Brandon Jacobs’ helmet, this past sunday night. And those are some fine residents of the Hoosier State.

Abandoned Baby Bulls 73-95 Patapsco Basin Red Tops

Brett Favre is wanted for the murder of Burrows’ fantasy team. 1 point. Sweet Jesus. Chris Johnson was his accomplice as well, 16 rushes for 34 measly yards. That’s a painful way to end a 13 game 100-yard streak. And his 2000 yard repeat is pretty much off already. Clinton Portis redeemed everyone a little with 2 touchdowns he totally did not deserve, and same goes for Antonio Gates. Everyone else was a bit disappointing though. Meanwhile the Red Tops looked goooood this week. 25 for Matt Ryan at home. Obviously. He’s great at home. And he’s the worst away from home. Someone get the Red Tops a decent QB for Matt Ryan’s away match ups. 12 for Steven Jackson, 96 yards and a score for Reggie Wayne, 11 for Tampa’s Mike Williams, 14 for Dallas Clark… yeah, good week.

Holywood Hummingbirds 96-62 Green Oak Goblins

Solid from everyone except Lee Evans for the H’birds. 13 for Eli, 11 for Rice, 19 for Hightower, 9 for Vernon Davis, 14 for Mark Clayton, and 12 from the Packers D. There are a few concerns going forward though. Tim Hightower’s value might drop pretty quickly when Beanie Wells gets back on the field, because the talent gap there is significant. And DeAngelo Williams… boy. That could be a real panic, the Panthers are a very, very, very, bad football team. 

The Goblins sucked. Peyton did all the damage with 29 points, and the rest of the team were awful. 1 catch for 9 yards from Massaquoi. That’s real useful. 6 from Colston, 1 for Peter Waiter and -1 for the Patriots D against Nacho and LDT. Nasty.

Boy does it suck to be this guy right now.

Sucky Game Of The Week

Woodland Warriors 70-61 Prypiat Giant Rats

Ugh. There is no one in this match up worth talking about except Phil Rivers, who was rad, and won the game for the Warriors. 29 points will do it when the second highest scorer in the match is Tom Brady’s paltry 15. 1st round pick Michael Turner was looking like he was gonna go totally football crazy before he got hurt, so 7 points was all that was on offer there. Everyone else sucked, especially the aforementioned Laurent Robinson (1 catch for 4 yards), and Heath Miller (2 catches for 3 yards). Nil pois. As for the Rats, good team, bad week. Tom Brady was outplayed by Mark Sanchez, for a start. One point for Ricky Williams, 3 for Donald Driver, 6 for Jamal Charles. Hines Ward scored another 0, but we cannot blame him. The Dennis Dixon/Charlie Batch combo was good for a Trent Edwards-esque 42 yards or some shit all game. That is way too much commentary on the worst game of this week.

Super Awesome Game(s) of the Week

Can’t separate between the two highest scoring teams tying, and the third highest scoring team winning by one. 

Biloxi Box Turtles 113-114 Forfar Farrakhans

Boy was I sweating here. Had to get an early night on Sunday so I missed the Manning Bowl, and boy was I relieved when Hakeem Nicks didn’t beat my ass. Up a point going into MNF, I decided to drop my Saints D, just in case. And on tuesday morning, I danced a little dance. Finally, a lucky break. Finally. Romo sucked, two terrible picks. Brandon Jackson is way worse than Ryan Grant, but still got me a score against the Bills. All 3 WRs scored, Andre Johnson’s coming on a 4th-and-10 at the two minute warning. Awesome. 10 points from Robbie Gould, 4 from Zach Miller, and the best game ever from LeSean McCoy. 16 carries for 120 yards, and THREE TOUCHDOWNS. Love you long time, bra’. Neil’s Box Turtles were the unluckiest of bad ass dudes though. 30 points from Rodgers, great games from Knowshon Moreno, Darren McFadden(!) and DeSean Jackson. Even Visanthe Shiancoe racked up 86 yards with Favre playing like a child. Shonn Greene is to blame for the loss here. 12 carries for 52 yards. 

Steve called it during the draft. Rooting for this guy on a Sunday is really fucking painful.

West End Wranglers 121-121 Partick Hustle

A tie! I know some other places don’t have ties, as they use decimal point scoring or whatever, but I think I prefer it this way. And I can’t be bothered to figure out who won on decimal points. Both teams are highly unlucky not to get a win here, so major props to them both though. Here’s a little funny for you though. The Partick Hustle are one of only 2 teams without a win so far, and sit bottom of their division. They are also the top scorers of the season so far with 215 points. The Curse of the Lions Fan Who Quit and Fell For The Jets, probably.

The Wranglers will be feeling sore though, only 4 points from Joe Flacco. Everything else went perfectly. 29 from Gore, 8 from Bradshaw (one solitary yard short of the all-valuable 9th point though, ugh), touchdowns for Randy Moss, Malcolm Floyd and Chris Cooley. Oh. And 34 freaking points from the Steelers defence. A kick off return TD, 3 picks, 4 recovered fumbles, 4 sacks… wat. 

The Hustle can also feel a little bit screwed, as Ryan Mathews went out hurt early on, only providing 2 points for the team. Matt Schaub was also three yards passing shy of getting the H-men the win. 497 and three scores for 37, and so v. nearly 38 points. 25 for ADAP, 11 for Matt Forte, a disappointing 4 for Ochocinco, and a measly one from Tony Gonzalez, who might be totally rubbish now. Maybe. 

Bad luck, fellas.

Ok, that took me like two hours and I have to go to bed now. Ni-night.

My life has changed in a number of significant ways recently, and the number of hours in a day available for internetting and so on have been reduced to about 2, from, oh, say about 24. 

So first of all, let me apologize for taking so long to get back on top of this.

Secondly, I’m changing the format of the Mango Tour League updates this season. Instead of a late week preview of matches, I will be contributing an earlier week review of matches. This is less work, and probably more fun. I get to mock people way more.

Click to read more.

So here we go, week one is in the books! How wonderful it is to have football that means something back in our lives. Despite now working 60 hour weeks i’ve managed to rack up six entire games since the season opened last Thursday. They’ve not been great. To be expected, it’s still the first week. Old quarterbacks have pretended to retire to avoid training camp, young receivers have faked neck injuries to avoid training camp, star cornerbacks have demanded absurd money and not got it to avoid training camp… no one has been going to training camp. So let’s give it a few weeks before we start demanding quality action. For now just be grateful it’s there, this time next year we might all be in mourning. Stupid money ruining everything…

WANKER!

In the real football world, there were a few shock results over the weekend. God bless ‘parity’. Houston got their second ever win over the Colts who haven’t lost on opening weekend in fourteen hundred years. Seattle and their 181 off season roster moves gubbed the trendy NFC West pick 49ers. The Chiefs beat the Chargers, McNabb and his merry men beat Alex Barron, The Bucs beat the Browns and anyone who watched that lost as well. The Pats looked great, the Giants looked good, the Saints looked even better…  of course the Raiders looked awful, but most of the other basement teams seem to have made some progress. 

CRETIN!

It was a bad week for the Eagles, losing their QB, C and FB to injuries, in the case of Leonard Weaver, for the season. Mike Vick sure looked interesting though. News has come out this evening that Ryan Grant is done for the year, so is the Jets superstar nose tackle Kris Jenkins. Bob Sanders is hurt as per usual heading into week 2 and it felt like there were at least 47 concussions. Although i’m not sure Matt Moore was actually concussed, that was just a convenient excuse to blame his performance on, and bench him with minimal fuss. Who’s ready for the Jimmy Clausen show? That’s gonna be hilarious. 

SOFTY!

Anyway… TO THE FANTASY SCORES!

Prypiat Giant Rats 91-69 Forfar Farrakhans

Ah, the familiar taste of fantasy defeat, how I’ve missed thee. The Nation of Islam was pretty mad at a bunch of under-performing picks this week, with a large percent of the blame being pointed at CJ Spiller (no goddamned points. None.), Andre Johnson (3 catches for 33 years in a game where the Colts were obliterated), and Marion Barber (8 touches, 39 yards). The coach takes a bit of heat too for leaving Wes Welker and his 18 points on the bench. Great job, boss.

DOUCHECHILL!

The Champion Giant Rats wholly deserved their opening W though, an excellent first outing. Tom Brady looked perfect, Jamal Charles grabbed 92yards and a score and Hines Ward is clearly still the number one target in Pittsburgh. The Rats didn’t even need Austin Collie and his 21 bench points! There was some disappointment for the winners here though, as starting RB Ryan Grant is a goner. 

Patapsco Basin Red-Tops 77-124 Trossachs Tantrum

God, is there anything worse than Hollingworth scoring the most points in the opening week of fantasy? Nope. Nothing is worse than that. Steve’s little vials of rock got, well, rocked. It wasn’t even a tragic performance on their behalf. Matty Ice disappointed with 2 picks, but Dallas Clark and Reggie Wayne both racked up 90 odd yards and a score a piece. 

Sadly it really was the Tantrum’s week though. Sheer luck, but still, it hurts. Arian Foster, who everyone knew about and everyone wanted, but only H’worth reached for, went off, as they say. 230 yards, three touchdowns. I want nothing more than Steve Slaton to sneak into Foster’s hotel room and break off each of his toes. And then for Steve Slaton to win the Texans a Superbown and airmail Hollingworth the game-winning ball. Along some kind of punch to the balls. He also struck gold with stupid Miles Austin (146yards and a score), stupid Roddy White (13 freaking catches) and 18 points from the stupid Cardinals defence against the even stupider Rams. I propose NFC West fantasy points are void until one of those teams looks even remotely ok. 

I hate to say it, but the Tantrum seem to be the team to beat.

FUMBLER! (just you wait…)

Abandoned Baby Bulls 97-63 Bristow Boilermakers

The overall number one pick seems like a smart choice at this stage in the season. Chris Johnson went off on opening day, an event usually reserved for Adrian Peterson, who didn’t make a hundred yards on opening day for the first time in his career. But the new King showed up and ripped Oakland to shreds, 142 yards and two scores. A nice contribution to an excellent Bulls performance. Ronnie Brown looks to have recovered well from last season’s injury (85 all purpose yards and a score), and Antonio Gates will no doubt be as solid as ever, bailing out Phil Rivers with 76 yards and a touchdown. 

The Boilermakers, much like the Farrakhans, continued where they left off last year, by royally sucking. Alex Smith at quarterback… ouch. I hope you all watched that debacle live. The 12th Man at Qwest Field (with a bit of help from Red Bryant and Colin Cole and Aaron Curry) reminded the world that in actual fact, Alex Smith totally blows. Let me assure you that Seattle are not a good team this year. They are deserving of, at most, five wins. That game tells us far more about San Fran than the heroes from 1000 miles north of them. If Big Play Babs and Lawyer Milloy take away your passing attack, and Deon Butler/Deion Branch/Mike WAT Williams take apart your secondary, your team sucks. If Pete Carroll outcoaches you? Your team sucks. If you blame 6 points from 4 redzones appearances on headset malfunctions? Your team sucks. Anyway.

FIRED UP! (yup, he is tapping that.)

There was little help from else where on Michael’s roster here. No touchdowns forPocket Hercules or Big Slow Brandon Jacobs, and only one catch for Dwayne Bowe. No better on the bench either. Yuck Yuck Yuck.

Biloxi Box Turtles 97-71 Woodland Warriors

The Box Turtles managed a comfortable opening win despite Shonn Greene starting (-1 points!) and Darren McFadden’s 150 all purpose yards and score sitting on the bench. Instead, Neil seems to have won the Rookie Sweepstakes as Jahvid Best got the two goal line scores (have to say he looked pretty iffy otherwise though…) and it always helps when Hakeem Nicks is on your team and he scores three goddamned touchdowns in one game. Hakeem Nicks scored six touchdowns all of last year. Sell high, Neil. Sell high.

The Warriors… not bad, not great. The absurd reach for the Jets defence provided 14 points, but that doesn’t matter when Michael Turner only reaches 42 yards and everyone else on your team pretty much blows. A few tough breaks, the Warriors will be back stronger in the coming weeks.

Sucky Game Of The Week

West End Wranglers 70-49 Holywood Hummingbirds

This was tragic. Joe Flacco- 5 points. Frank Gore? Seahawked. Randy Moss? No deep bombs means no points. Thankfully for the Wranglers Ahmad Bradshaw got a score and Greg Jennings was Greg Jennings. The Hummingbirds didn’t have a great week. I’m being overly polite because i’ve still never actually met Mark Bailie. And don’t want him thinking i’m too much of a douche. Eli Manning gave the ‘birds hope with a nice 22 point outing, but everyone else sucked balls. Ray Rice only got 5, DeAngelo Williams got screwed by his rubbish quarterback throwing countless redzone picks, Mike Sims-Walker did literally nothing, Vernon Davis was also Seahawked. And they had the wrong Cards RB. Beanie sat the game out and Hightower, on the ‘birds bench, grabbed the yards and the score.

WRONG CARDINAL!

Super Awesome Game Of The Week

Pretty good match up for the debut of this feature. 

Partick Hustle 94-105 Green Oak Goblins

Looking at the squad, the Hustle have a pretty freaking great team. They managed 94 points this week with three of their studs doing pretty much nothing. Schaub sucked, Peterson didn’t score, and Ryan Mathews was totally balls. But instead, Matt Forte! What?! Over 200 yards from scrimmage and two scores! What?! Go Matt Forte! 31 tasty fantasy points. Ochocinco! What?! 159 yards and a catch! What?! Jeremy Maclin got a nice score too.

But all this wasn’t enough for the Goblins who broke the magic 100 point mark. Here’s why. Peyton Manning, 433 yards and 3 scores for 38 points, in a goddamned loss. Mendenhall looked pish all game, but his 50 yard overtime touchdown helped make his numbers v. impressive. The Pats D scored big too, and most worrying, the Goblins, probably the other heel team in this league of ours, had a few scores on the bench from Steve Breaston and Massaquoi. Remember that guy? I’m excited to see Dexter McCluster make him look decidedly average.

NEW MASSAQUOI!

So i’m tired now and I have to go to bed. Until next week!

This was a good use of my afternoon, right?