Modest Mango

 If you just happened to be in the county of the red rose today, and you just happened to be listening to Lancashire FM radio Choice you would have gotten the opportunity to listen to various Lancos describe their other halves. Pretty mundane gash, all generic messages in text syntax, read out by some monotone Lanc accent, you know the format. Anyway, the mechanics / housewives / plumbers / working class echelons of east Lancashire society were mostly giving descriptions likening their ‘hubby’ or ‘bf’ to Chantelle, Sting, Hugh Jackman etc. I have seen people in Burnley. They do not look like Hugh Jackman. They look like baked potatoes wrapped in the skin off a rice puddin’… And some of them look a little like Sting if you squint really hard.

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Anyway, it wasn’t frakking ‘Sting’ in Clitheroe that was getting the scoff response it was Michael FRAKKING Johnston sitting unawares in PBL, Royal Blackburn Hospital:

…and next we have a strange one in by text from Rebecca who says her boyfriend ‘looks like Spock except his hair is only a peninsula’. You’ve got a winner there Rebecca… 

I’m getting sick fed up of football, fantasy or otherwise.

Here are last week’s results… (I particularly like that my top scorer was my freaking kicker)

Box Turtles 105-58(!) Prairie Dogs

B’Makers 92-93 Tantrum

Baby Bulls 94-85 Red Tops

Warriors 88-75 Giant Rats

Wranglers 89-109 Hustle

H’birds 149(!)-78 Goblins

Here are the standings after 2 weeks…

FML. On the plus side, where ESPN went 3 from 6 on the game picks, I went 5/6 and was one point, one measly point short of 6/6. Stupid Tantrum. So despite my fantasy team being the worst, I sure can pick the games. Anyway, here’s your week 3 preview.

ESPN LINES

Red Tops (-1) @ B’Makers (+1)

Tantrum (-18) @ Baby Bulls (+18)

Giant Rats (-4) @ Box Turtles (+4)

Dogs (+3) @ Warriors (-3)

Goblins (+30) @ Wranglers (-30)

Hustle (-9) @ H’birds (+9)

Commish Picks (busy day today, so instead of chat, i’ll throw in my projected lines)

BOILERMAKERS (-15) over Red Tops

TANTRUM (-17) over Baby Bulls

GIANT RATS (-20) over Box Turtles

WARRIORS (-3) over Prairie Dogs

WRANGLERS (-19) over Goblins

HUSTLE (-7) over H’birds

Weekly Team Rankings

1- Tantrum

2- Hustle

3- Giant Rats

4- Warriors

5- Wranglers

6- Dogs

7- H’birds

8- Baby Bulls

9- B’Makers

10- Box Turtles

11- Goblins

12- Red Tops

Sorry for the lack of pictures and stuff this week, I left the update a little late, and now I have loads of writing to do, plus i’ve figured out that I can watch It’s Always Sunny on the Xbox in my flat. Which is the greatest thing i’ve ever heard of. The quality is divine.

See some of you at the bar, speak to the rest of you on the internet.

EDIT- Oh yeah! How could I forget?! Interesting anecdote. Meeting of the MTL to watch the football last sunday. Good times all round, beer, drunk rugby teams, no food, no phone reception, all round enjoyment. Then just as it becomes clear the Eagles aren’t coming back, Hollingworth strikes up a little convo starter…

HW- "So which QB would you guys bang, if you had to bang a QB?"

*fair amount of silence from the group*

GC- "I mean, I guess… Tom Brady, y’know. Good enough for Gisele, good enough for me."

PC- "Mark Sanchez, I guess…"

HW- *giddily* "What about Brett Favre?!"

Make of that what you will, fair readers.

Peace.

The three best flavours of ice cream are:

1. Purple Taro  (a.k.a. Ube)
2. Green Tea
3. Rum & Raisin (probably)

Here is a picture of me enjoying 1 and 2.

If you ever get a chance to go to the Chinatown Ice Cream Factory in New York then do it. Why? Because it serves incredible home made ice cream in Chinese sized portions (China – small people, big portions) and also because it’s quite near Big Wong.

Taro is a type of yam and it just so happens that purple yam is the perfect food to be made into iced cream. It’s hard to explain why it’s the best. The only way I can describe the flavour of purple taro ice cream is that it is exploding with subtlety. Which clearly does not make any explanatory sense.

There is only so much I can say to try to convince you to try it. At the end of the day you’ll just have to gamble the next time you’re ordering ice cream in a foreign place. It’s one of those tough decisions you have to make in life when it comes to ordering food – will you stick with the tried and tested sweet & sour chicken or go a bit wild and sample this "chicken and Peking sauce" you’ve heard your BBC friend rave on about? You only have Chinese once every two weeks and you don’t want to spoil the meal you’ve been looking forward to forever. It’s perfectly understandable that you’ll inevitably choose the sweet & sour chicken.

More than anything perhaps, this blog is to urge you to go a bit wild next time and seek out new experiences such as the purple taro flavour.

More than anything anything perhaps, this blog is a completely un-thought out stream of consciousness that is a sad attempt at displacing Glen’s current dominance of the hearts and minds of the Mango fan base. Michael and I can save lives any day of the week, but you guys? You guys are who we really care about.

Until next time, Mangofans.
 

Well, well, well.

Week one came and went in the blink of an eye. ESPN had a strike rate of 66%, with the Hustle and the Baby Bulls shocking the system. As did I, the Hustle and H’Birds shocking me. The Hustle are shocking everyone. Are they good? Maybe. That’s a concern.

I’m blaming LDT, Richard Seymour and Tony Fucking Romo. 35 pts Tony?! Not to worry, Mr September can run riot all he likes, he’s not going anywhere when it matters. Adrian Peterson lived up to the number 1 pick, Drew Brees shocked no one with 6 freaking touchdowns, and after a horrid first half, Tom Brady righted ship in terms of the W and yards. A valiant effort, but not quite enough to save my cursed Prairie Dogs.

Anyway, here’s your Week 2 Preview.

ESPN Lines

Boilermakers (+25) @ Tantrum (-25)

Baby Bulls (-6) @ Red Tops (+6)

Box Turtles (+1) @ Prairie Dogs (-1)

Warriors (+4) @ Giant Rats (-4)

Wranglers (-10) @ Hustle (+10)

Hummingbirds (-29) @ Goblins (+29)

Commish Picks

BOILERMAKERS over Tantrum

No freaking way the Tantrum win by 25 points! No way! ESPN are on drugs, i’m sure of it. It’s going to be much, much closer than that, and in fact, i’m giving the B’makers a slight edge. Mainly because I like Peyton. And I like Westbrook. Who knows if Donovan is going to play, if he does, it’ll be with a pain injection, if he doesn’t, it’ll be Kolb starting. Kolb is awful, the poor Eagles have wasted far too much time trying to get him into shape. So on Sunday I expect a lot of hand offs and short passes to Brian. He looked good last week, and he’s gonna see a lot of action this week. Tantrum can make a game of it if Delhomme remembers that he actually really is a QB in the National Football League, and he hits Steve Smith now and again. If Smith has a big game, the Tantrum might sneak it.

BABY BULLS over Red Tops

I’m sorry Steve, this doesn’t look like your week. I fear this score might be worse than ESPN predicts. The Bulls have Carson Palmer as back up for Donovan, who is bound to play better than he did last week. Reggie Wayne should see even more action with the Colts WR corps struggling, Josh Morgan should have a big one against a pretty awful Seahawks secondary, and it never hurts to have Antonio Gates, even if he’s up against the Ravens. The Red Tops, well their receivers have a tough week ahead. They need a big week out of Matt Ryan (who put up really great fantasy numbers last week) against a Panthers team who will not settle for a L.

BOX TURTLES over Prairie Dogs

It’s my worst nightmare. I’m going to to 0-2, losing twice in a row to division rivals. I literally have no chance of making the play offs. Freaking graphs… The Dogs have Tom Brady, and no one else. Fantasy stud John Carlson will have a much tougher match up against the Niners this week. Steve Slaton seems determined to not only slump in his Sophmore year, but to take my whole fantasy team down with him. HOLD ON TO THE FOOTBALL, STEVE. The Box Turtles look good this week. Gore and McFadden have nice match ups. My hopes lie with Tom Brady, and if he scores big, so do Moss and Welker. Goddamnit. Maybe Joey Galloway can locate his pulse and save my season.

WARRIORS over Giant Rats

Maybe i’m clutching at straws here, maybe i’m just desperate for the Rats to lose. I’m pretty sure they have the strongest team in the league. I’m not so sure about them this week. AP should have his way with Detriot, Jacobs should make short work of the Cowboys and expect Rivers to bounce back hard after an iffy Monday night performance. For the Rats… didn’t Kurt Warner look old last week? Really old. Jones-Drew is bound to have a massive game against the Colts, and Aaron Rodgers seems to have a thing for Greg Jennings. But the rest of the team, i’m not so sure. This should be the closest game of the week, but i’m taking the Warriors to edge it. Which might be stupid of me.

Kurt, you’re old and sore. I hope.

HUSTLE over Wranglers

Disagree again with ESPN here, I reckon the Partick boys are in for a big win this weekend. I love, love, love Clinton Portis against the Rams this week, who just let Julius Freaking Jones run all over them last weekend. Seattle might be a run first team this year, but they haven’t nailed their new zone blocking scheme yet. Having a practice run against the Rams was a real gift. Portis looks great for 120 and 2 TDs. The Hustle also come out strong with Larry F (I guess the curse missed him?) and Esteban, i’m not sure I liked what I saw from the Packers secondary. Cutler’s picks lie on his receivers, not the Packers D. If the Wranglers have a chance, they need one of the Johnson boys to step up.

H’BIRDS over Goblins

Romo, Michael Turner and Chris Johnson. That’s why this is going to be the blowout of the week, ESPN got that right at least. TO is a concern, his face was not happy Monday night, and if Trent doesn’t start tossing the ball his way… hm. The Goblins… the Goblins have terrible luck. They made the LDT choice, which was tough, someone had to do it. I’m sorry Goblins, this isn’t yr week.

Poor TO. How much tail is there in Buffalo anyway?

Weekly Team Rankings

1- Box Turtles

2- H’Birds

3- Hustle

4- Warriors

5- Giant Rats

6- Prairie Dogs

7- Boilermakers

8- Tantrum

9- Baby Bulls

10- Wranglers

11- Goblins

12- Red Tops

Joey Galloway, I need you.

The "Here Comes Your Man" cover by Meaghan Smith is the best song ever and I will never be bored of it. There is nothing more attractive than a girl with a nice singing voice. I will never stop loving no added sugar Ribena cordial, which is the greatest drink I have ever drunk. I couldn’t be any thirstier right now. I’d rather die than have to wake up at 7.30 in the morning again tomorrow. Even though I’ve only heard one of her songs, Regina Spektor is class. Veronica Belmont is 10 burr. I’d rather use my fourth gen iPod than a new iPod Touch. The fourth gen iPod is still really damn cool. Everything you need to know about life is in 500 Days Of Summer and this. Choreographed dancing is without a doubt the coolest thing that can ever happen in a movie. 500 Days Of Summer is my second favourite movie of the year. All the best movies this year have definitely, definitely already been released.