Modest Mango

We don’t talk about Catan enough. Courtesy of Jonny “Baby got juice” Baillie.

Because I know a lot of you were worried yesterday, here’s the tomato plant today.

It’s a difficult proposition following Tom’s attempt at ‘bringin’ the Irish’ in his last blog (those of you who don’t know him, he is actually from Ireland, honestly) but I’m afraid I have some bad news. However, before you read any further you do have to open this in another tab and just let it play while you read. (For those of you using Internet Explorer you probably don’t have tabs yet but opening it in another window will suffice.) Back to the bad news: I returned from Longsight this morning to find this…

He’s dying. All in the space of about twelve hours, and at night too. It is actually that hot down here in Lancashire. Thank God he had a pulse so I did not have to shock, instead I gorged the little chucklefucker full of atropine and then wapped out the adrenaline for good measure. We’ll see how it goes today but I’m pretty worried.

Anyway, I’m off to listen to some Sinead O’Connor and watch some GAAAAAAAAH.

I am typing this to the sound of the old Irish folk song ‘Star of the County Down’, sung with relish by the Wolf Tones – a Republican band somehow seems appropriate in the current climate.

The expenses saga has engulfed politics like a hungry Jaws spying a rowing boat in the near-distance. Working in the House of Commons has been a horrible experience for the past three weeks. MPs are generally either resigned (or perhaps resigning) and defeatist, or full of nervous tension. The Telegraph and the rest of the media is attacking MPs regardless of their claims and are trying to tarnish all politicans with the same brush.

This is not a defence of MPs. I am delighted that MPs who abused the system are gone. Goodbye Mackay, Kirkbride, Moran, Steen, Hogg and Morley – your kind will not be missed. Too many others with grubby fingers are still in place – Blears, Hoon, and Darling, spring to mind. But nobody is talking about the innocent MPs (and there are some) like Frank Field or David Burrowes. It is quickly turning into a witch-hunt. And only the BNP, UKIP, and the fringe leftist parties will benefit.

Update: track’s changed to Rory Gallagher and Tattoo’d Lady – not sure about the symbolism but loving the solo at the end.

Macaulay once said that ‘We know no spectacle so ridiculous as the British public in one of its periodical fits of morality.’ How very true. I personally blame the modern media and its obsession with 24-hour new stories for making this an attack on the many for the sins of the few. Who cares about the news at 3am anyway? 

So my message to modest mango readers is: go out and vote for the mainstream parties on 4 June. Do not be put off by the mass hysteria against politicians. Vote for the party you believe offers solutions to all of the country’s problems, not just expenses.

Update: track has shifted to Worry Not by Liam O Maonlai. Life doesn’t get much better than this! 

I have put off this blog for the past 5 days. It has taken me that long to recover from the shock of it all. Newcastle United – relegated to the Championship.

This isn’t going to be one of those posts that defends the indefensible. We were poor all season. We had some highlights – victories over Villa, Spurs, and Boro. But for the most part we were subpar, defensively piss-poor (I’m getting so tired of typing that), and with about as much pace as a modem connection circa 1995. In short, we deserved to go down.

So now we’re in the Championship, where next? Fortunately we’re not in as bad a position as Leeds were a few years ago – the Chairman may have poor taste in managers but he’s rid the club of £200 million worth of debt in the past two years. But we will lose players – Martins, Bassong, Guiterrez, Coloccini (thank God), Viduka, Owen will definitely depart. If Shearer takes over he will try and build round the few players who came out of the season with any credit – Taylor, Butt, Duff, Beye, and Harper.

I suspect it might take a couple of seasons but we’ll be back.

p.s. good luck to Everton tomorrow – you’ve stuck by a great mananger and are being justly rewarded. I hope you cause an upset – I’d love it, love it, if you beat them.