Category: Travel

Murder Burger

Posted by Michael on April 19th, 2011 — 4:44am

Location: 128a Ponsonby Road, Auckland

MurderBurger #1

Food: Hell Pizza, Burger Fuel, Murder Burger… New Zealand seems really keen on names that are tough and manly. Also, like many New Zealander references, I just don’t get a lot their stuff. Like the cat/kitten logo. Is it ironic? Is it like a devil cat? Is the cat a murderer? Do they use cat meat? Maybe it’s because The Shining just came out last year in New Zealand so demon children and the like are really in vogue. Beyond that I can’t think of any other reasons.

I wonder how English Glen would fare in this country. Or P! for that matter. I mean, at least there’s the internet but other than that it’s like popular culture doesn’t exist. People wear regular clothes, rarely with any references or logos. I don’t know if they go to the movies. TV is very non-descript. Maybe it’s a healthier way to live, leading a life based more on personal experience than superficial impressions from media… Whatever, I think I’d get cabin fever if I was born here.

MurderBurger #2

All the more surprising then that they have so much great food. Or maybe not. Maybe the Kiwis are less amenable to any form of westernised franchisement be it clothing, media or food. Come to think of it, I haven’t even seen a lot of helvetica on the streets… Regardless of why it exists the fact remains that Murder Burger would be an institution in Manchester. There would be a permanent queue outside and it would adopt a reputation like that of The Sphinx in Belfast town. Scousers would begrudgingly come to Lancashire for venison burgers and fish patties. Its quality would be wasted on the miscreants that splurge out of Tiger Tiger every Saturday night onto the wet Manc pavement but still… it would be great nonetheless. It would be epic. Sadly though we are left with pubs, chippies and chain franchises for our burgers.

Question then: Where to go for a great burger in Glasgow or your current home-town?

Price: $13 for a Jalapeno Burger & Fries


Burr: 3

∼MJ out.

4 comments » | Food, Scranalysis, Travel

KeenKiwi: Chapter 3

Posted by Michael on April 6th, 2011 — 12:53pm

I think it is lifestyles like today that made us conquer places like North America and New Zealand. Why the hell we didn’t then just move to these places is beyond me. But whatever, it’s too late now.

After chilling out with the kids in Starship this morning I knocked off early to revel in the balmy afternoon, enjoy the walk home and partake in some Auckland cafe culture – i.e. buy a big ass scone with dates in it. There were a number of things that happened after that but essentially I ended up in the ‘hub’ of Auckland with the English contingent. Two jars later and it was late night Burr style pizza – i.e. New York style. After three slices of New York style pizza the Kiwis had to close up. First though they had to give us a free 18 inch New York style pizza. Cheese with extra cheese. It was a Kevin McCallister moment.

Auckland 6th April 2011

∼MJ out.

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KeenKiwi: Chapter 2

Posted by Michael on April 2nd, 2011 — 10:05pm

CDB, no penguins yet. Yesterday proved the first realistic opportunity when I travelled over to Tiritiri Matangi island, home to both flightless birds and birds that can fly but are apparently just really rubbish at it. Anyway, it is also home to the little blue penguin – the smallest penguin in the world. Sadly they are nocturnal so I only saw this little bozo.

Tiritiri Matangi 2nd April 2011

MJ out.

1 comment » | Travel

KeenKiwi: Chapter 1

Posted by Michael on March 27th, 2011 — 10:04am

The following is a semitrue account of a journey to Auckland.

Sun 18.01 (NZDT) Drip drying Stevie Currie style… How did it come to this?

Sat 07.18 (GST) Jesus Christ I hate Dubai airport. If Heathrow is a sea of shit then Dubai International is a perfectly straight river of shit. Well I lie, I quite like how easy DBX is to navigate. It’s just the disciples of duty-free relentlessly forcing Bombay Saphire and Johnny Walker into my face for all of the 2,500 yards to the gate. I thought I was going to end up giving in and buying some Ferragamos or some shit.

It’s all good though. Nineteen hours and I’ll take my socks off, crunching my toes on the carpet in my Auckland accommodation. I really like doing this: (1) after flying; (2) when revising for exams. I’m pretty sure it’s from a film. What film… Whatever, the shower is also going to be epic. Goddamnit, did I pack my Head&Shoulders? I’m sure I forgot something.

Friday 06.30 (GMT) Got a bus ride into hospital with the Mancs… I’ll miss these cretins. Better remember to repack my Head&Shoulders. Good I remembered that. Won’t be able to buy any when I arrive on Sunday. I can’t believe Burrows embraces this country’s structural loafishness on Sundays… I bet Gordon Gekko doesn’t take breaks on Sundays.

Sun 16.23 (NZDT) This is bananas. Can’t believe supermarkets are open until midnight here. Burnage Tesco would have shut up shop thirty minutes ago. We are losing to a country which has shops advertising Tip Tops. I have not seen a Tip Top since approximately 1998. They’re not even frozen Tip Tops.

Sun 16.24 (NZDT) Hot NZ girl spotted in supermarket. Great cans. Think I’ll get chopped tomatoes too.

Sun 08.23 (AEST) No hot girls spotted yet in Brisbane airport. Not a lot of people spotted yet in Brisbane airport. Could be worse though; could be in Manc.

Brisbane 27th March 2011

Fri 13.21 (GMT) There are a lot of unattractive people on this bus. Even for Manchester.

Fri 13.40 (GMT) Toothpaste, inhalers, toothbrush, montelukast, shampoo, soap, towe… Yeah whatever, I probably have all these things.

Sun 16.45 (NZDT) Reenergise and rewaterise with Mountain Dew. Then have my shower.

Sat 7.56 (GST) So sweaty… Can’t wait to wash…

Sun 17.25 (NZDT) Motherfucker… Forgot towel.

Sun 18.01 (NZDT) At least it’s a good view from my room for drip drying. And it’s not like I could mistake that skyline for any other city either!

Auckland 27th March 2011

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Posted by Michael on January 28th, 2011 — 12:54pm

Kynance Cove 25th January 2010

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