Category: This Glaswegian Life


This Glaswegian Life #6

Posted by Philip on June 17th, 2009 — 12:20am

From modestmango.com, it’s This Glaswegian Life. I’m Philip Chan. Our story today, which has the theme “Post-Exam Life” is in four acts.

Act 1: The Doctor Who Joke,
Act 2: The Doctor Who Exhibition,
Act 3: Livin’ La Vida Loca,
Act 4: Summer.

Act 1: The Doctor Who Joke

John: “Knock-knock.”
Phil: “Who’s there?”
John: “Doctor Who.”

True story.

Act 2: The Doctor Who Exhibition*

Link

Act 3: Livin’ La Vida Loca

Link

Act 4: Summer

Summer time in Glasgow is always a rare treat.

And this is why we must make the most of it.

Sometimes it’s a bit of a sausage-fest…

And sometimes it’s a bit of a banana show…**

But as always, we’re keeping it real.

Enjoy your summer.

It’s going to be a good one.

See you outside.

* The Doctor Who Exhibition is currently on at the Kelvingrove Art Gallery.
** The West End Festival is currently on in Glasgow.
*** And thanks to Jonny “Banana Show” Baillie for photographic and maraca shaking contributions.

7 comments » | Events, Gaming, This Glaswegian Life, TV, Movies & Media

This Glaswegian Life #5

Posted by Philip on March 20th, 2008 — 1:20am

From modestmango.com, it’s This Glaswegian Life. I’m Philip Chan. Our story today, which is in four acts, has a theme and that theme is my 21st birthday.

Act 1: Of Barbecues and Manliness,
Act 2: The Presents,
Act 3: Waking Private Colin,
Act 4: The Greatest.

Act 1: Of Barbecues and Manliness

Who’d have thought that in a country with such ridiculously good weather all year round, there would actually be a time when disposable barbecues are out of season? It certainly was not welcome news to find out the day before the proposed birthday barbecue. But it wouldn’t matter, as Lieutenant Colin with his OTC training would build a barbecue with his manly bare hands. He worked out that essentially, all we needed was a big container, a grill, charcoal, firelighters, wood, and a whole load of mantosterone.

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When Sunday came, it was apparent that since disposable barbecues were out of season, charcoal would be out of season too. 10kg of housecoal for £3.49 would just have to do. Commander Colin quickly fashioned a barbecue out of the raw materials; and after literally going into the woods to get firewood, managed to make a working barbecue.

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Eventually the cavalry arrived with disposables that had been located in Woolworths, and the men chowed down on some meat. I should add that bar one, literally no girls turned up to the barbecue.

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Oh yeah, and the police paid a visit too. But it was a complete non-event and not worth mentioning at all.

Act 2: The Presents

This is literally the most presents I have ever got for my birthday. Fact. I don’t normally get any at all. And so, in no particular order:

1. A green hoodie.
2. A pair of kilt socks.
3. Two aprons.
4. A bubble watch. (Literally, you blow bubbles with it.)
5. A Dali.
6. Star Wars Lego.
7. A packet of Haribo.
8. A tub of mini Oreos.
9. A 1.5m audio RCA (M) to RCA (F) cable.
10. A bottle of champagne.

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Thank you, thank you, thank you.

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Act 3: Waking Private Colin

Part 1



Part 2

Act 4: The Greatest

We were walking up Byres Road at 4am post-party when all of a sudden we found ourselves being followed by a red mini-van. We made the usual jokes about it being scary, etc, etc. Then the van drove on and everything was normal.

Two minutes later, the van was back. And not only was it back, it approached us from the same direction as it did before. Clearly it was following us, especially since it had now slowed down to walking speed right beside us. It was pretty damn scary.


What was going to happen?


The door slid open and the fifteen or so people inside started shouting at us…

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PHIL!!!”

The frisbee team had just returned from London and by pure coincidence had bumped into me at 4 in the morning, just in time to wish me a slightly belated happy birthday in the most glorious fashion possible.

That was probably the greatest thing that has ever happened to me and has more or less made my year.

Thanks for being a part of my twenty-one years thus far, everyone. It’s been a pleasure.

16-03-2008 21-34-23

3 comments » | Events, This Glaswegian Life

This Glaswegian Life #4

Posted by Philip on January 14th, 2008 — 10:06pm

From modestmango.com, it’s This Glaswegian Life. I’m Philip Chan. Our story today in four acts.

Act 1: Racism Awareness Day,
Act 2: Number 9,
Act 3: The Lime Game,
Act 4: Derelicte.

Act 1: Racism Awareness Day

TEAM ASIA ASSEMBLE!

On January 4th, 2008, four Asians attended the first lecture of their new term wearing yellow t-shirts and yellow hats. Heads turned, people smiled, and inevitable questions were asked, “What’s up with the yellow hats?”

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[ Katechia, Bravo, Chan, and Jabbal.* ]

And depending on which one of the four Asians answered, it was either racism awareness day, anti-racism day, non-racism day, or simply racism day. Ironically, this appeared to turn them into hypocrites. They accused (white) people of being racists simply for not knowing. “We all look the same to you, don’t we?!” was used quite a few times.

Perhaps the zenith of the hypocrisy of racism awareness day came in the afternoon when one (white) person, referring to the yellow hats asked, “So who started all this?” To which one of the yellow hat wearing Asians replied, “You did, you white boy!”

The white folk were confused and seemed ashamed for not knowing. The Asian folk who weren’t in on it were just confused.

Racism awareness day was of course completely fictional. The reality was that we found some awesome yellow hats on sale for 50p each and decided that we would all wear them to the first lecture back in the Winter term. A Google search has since informed me that the real deal is on 21st March. I bet you didn’t know that, did you? You racist.

* Spot the Englishman, the Scotsman, and the Irishman.

Act 2: Number 9

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Wearing this in your honour. Good luck with your travels. Don’t forget our bet. See you soon.

Act 3: The Lime Game

This is what you need to play the lime game:

2 or more players,
1 lime per player,
A flat party.

The aim of the game is to challenge each other to place a lime into increasingly difficult places. The first person to achieve the goal each round gets one point and the honour of setting the challenge for the next round.

You are not allowed to tell the target what is going on, or tell them to place the lime for you. However, if they do this without you asking then it is acceptable. This is known as the Chan Manoeuvre.

As an example, here’s what happened in the first ever play of the lime game:

Round 0. The front pocket of a shirt. (practice)

Round 1. The side pocket of a girl’s dress.

Round 2. A non-medic’s glass whilst still in their hand.

Round 3. The back pocket of a non-medic’s trousers.

Round 4. Girls: Down the front of a guy’s shirt. Guys: Down the front of a girl’s top.

Round 5. The hood of a stranger’s hoodie, without them noticing for at least 5 seconds.

Round 6. Somebody’s glass whilst still in their hand, from a distance.

At this point too many people got involved and the game had to stop. Have fun.

Act 4: Derelicte.

30-10-2007 10-53-13

3 comments » | Frisbee, This Glaswegian Life

This Glaswegian Life #3

Posted by Philip on November 10th, 2007 — 1:28am

From modestmango.com, it’s This Glaswegian Life. I’m Philip Chan. Our story today in four acts.

Act 1: Apple And Blackberry Crumble,
Act 2: Phil attempts to eat a pomegranate for the first time,
Act 3: The End Of The Beginning,
Act 4: The Dalek Cookie Jar.

Act 1: Apple And Blackberry Crumble

I had a very cultured evening last week that involved a very civilized home cooked meal, a trip to see a production of Oliver! and continual accusations of Neil being a paedophile. But back to the meal. My contribution was an apple and blackberry crumble, cooked from scratch.

Here’s the recipe:

1. Get some Bramley apples, chop them up and put them into a Pyrex dish (preferably one that is exactly the same size as the one I have). Also put some blackberries in.

2. Squeeze some lemon juice over everything (but not too much, otherwise like mine did, it will taste like Jif… sorry, Cif.)

3. Put shovel loads of demerererararer sugar over everything.

4. In a mixing bowl (preferably one that is exactly the same size as the one I have) mix flour with butter, Alpen, and loads more demererarara sugar. Put all this over the stuff in the Pyrex dish.

5. Bake in an oven.

Here’s a picture of dear friend and regular reader Jonny Baillie digging into the dessert.

And here’s the recipe again in the style of Gordon Ramsay:

Bramley.
Chop.
Blackberries.
Pyrex.
Lemon.
Sugar.
Bowl.
Flour.
Butter.
Knead.
Alpen.
Sugar.
Mix.
Sprinkle.
Bake.

Apple and blackberry crumble…

Done.

Act 2: Phil attempts to eat a pomegranate for the first time

Act 3: The End Of The Beginning

You may remember the disc fiasco I mentioned previously that involved me moronically air-bouncing The Chameleon down a hole in the quadrangle of the main building of Glasgow University, several minutes before I had to go in to sit an anatomy exam on the head and neck.

Since then several schemes involving ropes, ladders, long poles and a system of pulleys have been devised in an attempt to retrieve the misplaced disc. To date nothing has been executed. I couldn’t help but feel slightly empty without my disc. It was, after all, my very first disc and it has (had) been with me since the start of my ultimate days. Now it’s probably gone forever.

But then I realised that perhaps it was actually quite fitting that I lost my first disc on that particular day. Technically my 3 months entitlement of beginnerhood is over. Now if I wanted to play, I would have to play with the big boys and the big girls.

And so I did. I was given the awesome opportunity to play for the FarFlung 2nd team last weekend in the Scottish University Indoor Regionals. I’ll not go into it, since I think in the past month I’ve talked enough about frisbee tournaments already. All you need to know is that out of 20 teams we came 11th and the first team came 4th, just missing out on qualifying for the nationals, and that during the tournament I played my best frisbee yet.

And did I get a new disc? Damn right I did.

Glows in the dark too.

Act 4: The Dalek Cookie Jar

Last week we were invaded by what The Doctor told us was the last remaining Dalek in Scotland. It tried to exterminate us but we fought it off with battered Mars bars, copious gallons of Irn Bru, and the highest incidence of lung cancer in the world.

I know what you’re thinking, and yes it is the greatest thing to ever be conceived in the history of biscuit storage. Thanks, Laura!

I’m Philip Chan, back next week, with more stories of This Glaswegian Life.

1 comment » | Food, Frisbee, This Glaswegian Life

This Glaswegian Life #2

Posted by Philip on October 11th, 2007 — 2:38am

From modestmango.com, it’s This Glaswegian Life. I’m Philip Chan. Our story today in three acts.

Act 1: Personal,
Act 2: Set Yourself On Fire,
Act 3: Look Up.

Act 1: Personal

So let’s get this out of the way, I got a parking ticket.

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When I found the ticket, I knew I would have to blog about it. Not only would I blog about it, but I would go back to Hamilton Drive, take photos and prove to the world that I had not parked illegally. I would then successfully appeal my ticket and then blog about that as well.

But then I found this:

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I learnt a major cultural lesson as a result of this incident. I never really understood why traffic wardens always got such a hard time; surely they’re only doing their job, and if you got a ticket, you clearly deserve it because at the end of the day you did something illegal.

But then you get your first parking ticket and it all changes. I now literally hate Parking Attendant No. PA274, and I don’t even mean a general hatred; this is personal. Know this my friend: I can sleep well tonight knowing that in a few years time I’ll not only be better paid than you, but people will actually appreciate the job that I do. So fuck you, Parking Attendant No. PA274.

Act 2: Set Yourself On Fire

Is pretty much what I was telling myself to do after yet another display of my complete social ineptitude whilst at a gig. Michael has written a beautiful account of what happened already, but I’ll briefly explain it again. Basically I was presented out of nowhere with a social kiss on the cheek situation. My first ever. Until I read Michael’s post, I had actually forgotten that the girl had to fucking point to her cheek before I realised what she wanted me to do.

“First the girl leaned forward. She presented full cheek. She even pursed. Chan delayed, then delayed a little more. Then when the awkwardness reached its climax he decided to delay a little more. When the girl pointed to the left side of her face P! finally took cue.”

Marou, if you’re reading this (I highly doubt it, and hope you aren’t), sorry.

Act 3: Look Up

There was good weather in Glasgow on Sunday, and I can prove it!

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Let me explain. For one day in every week, the beautiful fields of Victoria Park, Glasgow will be taken over by flying pieces of plastic, each circular in shape and weighing 175g, no more, no less. Sunday afternoon is when FarFlung meet, come rain or shine, for outdoor ultimate frisbee.

This particular Sunday was extra, extra special for several reasons. The weather, for a start, was perfect. There was sun, it was cool, and most importantly there was no wind. It was a glorious day for disc. The second reason is that since the main team was busy coming 4th in Stirling, it allowed us fledgling ultimate players to play at our own pace and have some fun. It was great to hear after the games how much of a good time everyone was having.

Lastly, it was special for the simple reason that it almost wasn’t going to happen at all. If it weren’t for all the young enthusiastic frisbee players who turned up on Sunday afternoon, there wouldn’t have been any disc, and I wouldn’t have had an act 3.

Good game, guys.

07-10-2007 21-08-40

Well, I’m Philip Chan, back next week, with more stories of This Glaswegian Life.

4 comments » | Frisbee, Music, Social Awkwardness, This Glaswegian Life

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