Category: NFL

Mancunian Fever #11: Sex

Posted by Michael on April 11th, 2010 — 10:50pm

Let’s talk about the Doctor’s assistant. ‘Johnny Baillie got an assistant?!’ I hear you say? No no no. The Doctor! What to say… Where to start…

Smut alert.

I live in Manchester. It’s a world away from anywhere else, mostly because the people sound, and are, so fucking stupid. (Or as the Noel Gallagher might say, ‘Half the world away’. Yeah?) So, sex. What about it? Salford’s smartest expat, Karl Pilkington said it was ‘just something to do.’ But if in Salford sex is just something to engage in after a few bottles of White Lightning, it is a whole other concept elsewhere. Sex sells.

Take the third best show on TV at the moment – Single, Together, Whatever on BBC Switch. Hunter S Thompson described Bill Clinton as a ‘congenitally lewd man who is evil in a way that is charming’. Single, Together, Whatever is similarly immoral, but similarly charming, in concept.

I forget what lecherous assholes most teenage boys are and what fucking spiteful morons teenage girls are. Still I can’t get enough of it. The sex that is.

If you are one of our many international readers you might be wondering what Phil, Porter, Johnston et al are really like. The truth? We love anything remotely lascivious. And this isn’t a new thing. Back in the days of the 71 Malone or 70 Ladybrook I bet Phil was just dying to be lewd. Jesus, I mean, I wanted to have obscene salacious conversations about girls and stuff. Only for the fact I was more of a Charlie Kelly than a Dennis Reynolds I would have.

Porter, Thomas, JG… We all have a similar zeal for sordid topics. Back in school little did we know Thomas was experimenting with body chocolate. I mean, for some reason I wrote ‘I shot George Harrison’ on my schoolbag, but jesus… Body chocolate!

And don’t scoff, CD. This stuff is going to determine the fate of our country.

(Fuck. Mickelson just birdied again. I write this as he bounds towards another green jacket, a story that will offer some respite in the sordid saga that is Tiger Woods and his infidelity.)

All this brings us back to the second best show on TV at the moment and the newest Doctor. Great. So good. I’m still laughing at that line, ‘Yeah, it’s cool. Bowties are cool.’ But how did I hear that line? Why was I even watching Doctor Who? I have not watched Doctor Who in about two years – and the last Doctor was frickin’ great. But do you know what else is frickin’ great? Karen Gillan. A fact shown by a recent study:

Picture 1
So, I suppose that’s all the proof we need. The Doctor is back. And so are the features.

4 comments » | General, NFL, Politics, Sport, TV, Movies & Media

A Mangobowl Preview

Posted by Glen on February 6th, 2010 — 12:09am

 I really hope no outsiders were trying to keep up with the MTL, since I guess I never got round to celebrating the eventual victor. I got lazy and busy. I do apologize. But Michael Henderson’s Prypiat Giant Rats will be celebrated plenty on Sunday night, at what is the concluding event of easily the greatest Superbowl Weekend Event in the UK. 

It’s late and I don’t have much to say. But this is what i’ll be bringing to the table on Sunday night. 

Say hello to a litre of sauce, about 10lbs of pulled pork, 40 ribs, 40 wings and a whole load of Texas style beans.

Ribs, wings, and pork butt, each clingfilmed and refrigerated in their own specific Christie ‘Q Rub over night.

(I couldn’t resist. I had a wing. I’m not exaggerating when I say it’s probably the best wing i’ve ever tasted that wasn’t made at a WingStop.)

Half of the pork, just as it is about to be slow cooked to heaven.

Half of the pulled pork, lightly dressed, juicy and tender as you’ve ever eaten. 

A kilo of pinto beans, soaking overnight. I have a date with those bad boys at 9AM. 

Good lord I love Superbowl Weekend.

4 comments » | MTL, NFL

Valentines Day

Posted by Thomas on January 31st, 2010 — 8:56pm

This is a question to all you women-loving (and men-loving if that’s your ting) gentlemen out there (apologies if I am assuming too much about the mm demographic here).

In a fortnight’s time, Valentine’s Day will be upon us. For the young, free and single, Valentine’s Day will pass them by in the same way that Burns’ night leaves no indelible mark upon those outside of Scotland (and most of those living in that place as well).

But for those of us with lady friends/lovers/other halves/significant others/wives, Valentine’s poses a bloody tricky question. Do you go all out and spoil your lady, over-doing things by throwing chocolates, flowers, a meal at a restaurant and a trip to the theatre/cinema/dog-track*? Or do you take a more subtle approach and treat Valentine’s as a day where you buy her nothing but deliver caring and cost-effective comments such as ‘your hair does look like it is attached to your head’ and ‘I do love the way that you have two eyes’.

If you plump for the former, you risk having to out-do your performance year on year, lest the lady in your life begins to doubt your continuing love. If you plump for the latter, well, you’re basically saying that you couldn’t be arsed.

What does mm think? Where is the line to be drawn between extravagence and neglect?

*not literally. Past experience says this is a mistake and one your lady companion will not forgive in a hurry. If she survives the deluge of objects flying through the air in her general direction

Disclaimer: comments will not be used as the basis of my treatment of Fiona this Valentine’s. As you all know, I’m a soppy romantic at heart and have a veritable carnival of show- and heart-stopping moments planned for that weekend.

2 comments » | General, NFL

Week 17 – Superburrl III

Posted by Michael on January 6th, 2010 — 5:49pm

New York Giants  7
Minnesota Vikings  44

Chicago Bears  37
Detroit Lions  23

Philadelphia Eagles  0
Dallas Cowboys  24

Tennessee Titans 17
Seattle Seahawks  13

There was once a dude called William Penn. He was doing his thing way back in the day, before Arizona entered the Union, before any of the other states entered the Union for that matter, even before Aaron Burr was walking round shooting Michael Cera in the face. Penn laid out the foundations for Philadelphia, his aim being a city with every house surrounded by orchards and gardens, some kind of bucolic utopia, I guess. Philly didn’t quite live up to William Penn’s aspirations but were he alive today I think he’d be pretty chuffed about some of the city’s other achievements:

1) the Jersey Shore is only a short drive away

2) Philly has become a haven for various African-American characters lamming it in hit US show ‘The Wire’

3) Philly cheesesteaks


4) hot chicks jogging up and down the steps of the National Museum of Art

5) Paddy’s Pub

6) Five Guys


7) Philadelphia Eagles & Christopher Burrows, Superburrl II and now Superburrl III Champions.


Look at him. So nonchalant about winning again. The reluctant protagonist, Burrows was class apart from the rest of us this season. This helps when everyone else sucks bad. We quickly found out Porter had been padding his arms the whole time and putting a cucumber down his pants. Chan won two more games than last season but was still like, 29 games behind or something. The best I can do is cling to his coat tails, and as for the other team? I can never remember the other team… But whatever, they sucked too.

Congratulations Burr. You are now a multiple winner.

1 comment » | NFL

Season’s Greetings

Posted by Philip on December 24th, 2009 — 11:47pm

Boredom leads to prettiness. Please notice the amazing new splash pages here, here and here. And the new "Football" link sitting nicely on the ever expanding navigation bar. Merry Christmas. :)

Comment » | General, NFL

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