This summer the Mango will have its first spin-off blog. Up until now English Glen, Scottish Steve and Nelly have only been fictional characters mentioned in passing but come July they’re springing to life. Follow the incomprehensible brogue of Steve, the glib Englishness of Glen or the dry wit of Neil by Twitter, the Blog and of course the Mango, which I promise to update daily as we go from Arby’s in north California to Red Lobster in Oregon, from Taco Bell in South Dakota to Wendy’s in Nebraska, from Jack in the Box in Kansas to Andy’s Frozen Custard in Illinois and of course we’ll be making a special stop at the home of the Colonel in Louisville, KY.
It really doesn’t matter whether someone comes to me with an MBA, an OBE, a KFC or a YMCA, as far as I’m concerned…
Sir Alan Sugar
I wonder if AMS is a KFC fan? I’m sure he is. Definitely. He was probably subconscienciously craving a bucket…
Had Last.fm existed back in the day the Pixies no doubt would have frequented my dashboard on a regular basis. The albums Doolittle and Surfer Rosa were daily staples throughout my early adolescence. This makes it all the more distressing to hear the news that Frank Black recently signed his name to PETA:
“What we and Frank Black want you to know is that every year hundreds of millions of chickens are tortured and killed for KFC’s restaurants around the world. These sensitive, intelligent birds are crammed by the tens of thousands into crowded waste-filled sheds where they’ll spend their entire miserable existence.”
First of all – KFC is delicious. That alone supersedes any moral obligation to respect animals. Do you know why that is? Because I’m human and they’re fucking animals. Animals. If I have reason to believe that something will be tasty I should be able to kill it, cook it and eat it.
Second of all – I’ve seen chickens. They are not intelligent. I’ve seen a chicken eat its own shit. I’ve met a lot of dumb people but I’ve never seen anyone mistake a dump for food. They can’t even talk for fuck sake. Shit, they have wings but can’t even fly. Do you know what other bird couldn’t fly? The dodo! It was so stupid in fact that we subsequently started using its name to describe stupid humans.
Oh yeah, guess who else loves animals – Phil Collins. Apparently he wrote to Selfridges telling them to stop selling foie gras, or ‘tins of cruelty’ as he so unaptly described them. I love to picture Phil Collins dictating his letter to Selfridges to give off about cruelty to ducks, presumably as he saunters about his mansion wearing socks painstakingly manufactured by some 8 year old in Bangladesh bent double over some rusty piece of machinery, just trying to raise enough money to buy a piece of wood he can hold onto when the chars flood and his family’s house is swept away again for the eighteenth year in a row. But sure, we’ve gotta to stick up for the ducks. Fuck little Mowgli.
Actually, come to think of it, haven’t ducks been trying kill us for the last three years?! We have to show them whose boss lest they try and offload that avian flu onto us again. Anyway, I’m off for a bargain bucket. See you soon.
15:50 Saturday 8th November
Mikey went for a Colonel in Dundee with English Glen, Scottish Stevie and Glib Tom. On ordering a bucket of chicken for all to share, English Glen is informed that there is “no chicken left”…
14 days until Mikey gets to leave St Andrews for Xmas.