Burr’s Two Fingers to Clements Tour of Cafes, Episode 2: Springsteen’s

Posted by Philip on September 11th, 2007 — 9:20pm

For our second stop in Burr’s Two Fingers to Clements Tour of Cafes, we made the controversial decision to pay a visit to a place that lies in the void between cafes and restaurants: the all-American world of diners, complete with jukeboxes and cheap seating. Our journey took us to the Lisburn Road, Belfast; where we would find Springsteen’s.

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The biggest mystery of the entire evening was the three-sided drinks menu that by some magic was impossible to be read by more than one person at a time. (See photo below). We persevered and finally managed to place our orders.

The highlight of our Springsteen’s experience was the pancakes, which were the biggest breakthrough in pancake batter engineering since Jesus invented them to celebrate Pancake Tuesday. They were freshly made and served hot, with ice-cream that was also served hot due to the bowl having come straight out of the dishwasher, rendering a good third of the cream inedible. This was excusable however, as the pancakes really were delicious. I should probably also add that I was forced to eat ice-cream with a fork.

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Burr had his first ever Cream Soda at Springsteen’s. Before he ordered it, he asked me what it was, and I explained to him that it’s a very sugary drink, but not to the tooth-decaying extent of Irn Bru. I also mentioned that it is a favourite amongst the Chinese, and indeed it is the preferred beverage of luminaries such as Chairman Mao, Donald Tsang, and Jackie Chan.* We were all slightly disappointed that the soda was not served in a glass bottle (and by an attractive American waitress).

Chris was also in the mood for something creamy that evening and had a strawberry milkshake. He wanted a banana milkshake, but due to Northern Ireland still feeling the effects of The Great Banana Shortage of 2004, he was unable to afford one at the current inflated prices.

Here’s part 1 of the video and if there’s one thing we can learn by watching this, it’s that the cliché about watching yourself on camera being weird is true; this is evidenced by me coming off as a complete douche. (In real life I am actually really cool.)

Part 1 – Our thoughts inside Springsteen’s (+ an impression of Rick Stein).

Is it customary for toilets in American eateries to be as confusing as possible? Instead of ‘Male’ and ‘Female’ I was greeted by Elvis and Marilyn Monroe. Does Elvis represent the male toilets or are guys supposed to walk towards Marilyn?

On leaving, Burr failed to notice the bowl of Fox’s Glacier Mints sitting inconspicuously at the counter. Did Springsteen’s decision to place the bowl of Fox’s Glacier Mints in such an inconspicuous manner cause Burr to be outraged and ultimately affect their score on the Burrometer? You’ll just have to watch part 2 of the video and see for yourself.

Part 2 – The verdict and the outrage.

And for all you Chris Porter fans out there, here’s a bonus feature he filmed just for you.

Bonus! – Chris Porter fan service.

*This is not true.

Category: Burr Tour, Video Projects One comment »

One Response to “Burr’s Two Fingers to Clements Tour of Cafes, Episode 2: Springsteen’s”

  1. Michael

    Cool review. But how did you get the bloke from the Kooks to appear in the third video?

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