If he smokes, he’s got cancer.
If he came back from Spain, he’s got legionella.
If she’s old and combs her hair, she’s got temporal arteritis.
If he’s a student and has flatmates, he’s got meningitis.
If he came from Africa, he’s got AIDS.
If she’s in church, she’s had vasovagal syncope.
If he’s Chinese, he’s got nasopharyngeal cancer.
If she’s a teenage girl, she’s pregnant.