The time when Phil came back to Glasgow after the summer to find that his flat had been not-burgled

Posted by Philip on August 29th, 2010 — 7:21pm

Not-Burglary from Philip Chan on Vimeo.

This is not a joke. I came back to my flat to find that someone had snapped the cylinder of my lock, broken in and not stolen anything. This includes not stealing an unopened iPod Touch, a laptop, and my car keys (+ my car).  

I’m a bit pissed off.

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2 Responses to “The time when Phil came back to Glasgow after the summer to find that his flat had been not-burgled”

  1. Glen

     is the strangest, strangest thing.

    Sorry Phil, you must be feeling pretty weird. Ovi relieved they don’t seem to have taken anything.

    I guess we need to start figuring out motives etc. The lack of things being stolen, as such, implies some kind of ethical housebreaking? The fact they turned bedrooms inside out without taking high value objects sitting right in front of them also implies that they were looking for something specific. 

    Now, the things that first jump to my mind are, said housebreakers feel that you have something which belongs to them. Maybe you don’t even know that you have it, much like Ashton Kutcher and Seann Williams Scott in the seminal ‘Dude, Where’s My Car?’. In that instance, the wacky stoners are in possession of the continuum transfunctioner, a mysterious and powerful device, whose mystery is only exceeded by its power. However due to their lifestyle choices (regular use of recreational drugs, drinking heavily at the Kitty Kat Club and so on), they are unaware that they possess such a device. Is it possible that either you or Nigel are in possession of a mysterious and powerful device, only you don’t know it? For the record, the continuum transfunctioner is known to appear in the form of a Rubik’s Cube. If this is indeed the case, the culprits may have been five beautiful and buxom alien women. They may alternatively have been two strongly-accented Norwegian men in tight fitting clothing. Be aware that if either of these groups approach you, both will tell you they are entitled to the device, however you must protect the transfunctioner from the group of beautiful and buxom alien women. They are hell bent on destroying the universe with the device. If possible, return the device to the Norwegian men, as they are the protectors of the universe and can be fully trusted.

    Alternatively, the housebreakers may have been looking for something less mysterious, such as an important piece of knowledge. A recipe, if you will. Do either of the Chan brothers have in their possession a recipe of particular value? It really could be for anything. Maybe crystal meth? Maybe pancakes?

    Are the Chan Brothers meth cooks? I don’t know. I’m jus’ sayin’, that’s all.

  2. Philip

    That made me smile.

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