Burr’s Two Fingers to Clements Tour of Cafes, Episode 1: Cafe Conor

Posted by Philip on September 3rd, 2007 — 1:46am

A recent incident involving a member of staff in our ex-favourite coffee joint – Clements, Botanic Avenue has driven Burr to boycott not only that particular Clements, but the entire Clements chain of coffee shops.* In an effort to find a new place for modestmango.com to consume non-alcoholic beverages, and more importantly to prevent our readers from having incidents similar to the one we had, we proudly announce our latest initiative: Burr’s Two Fingers to Clements Tour of Cafes. Wherein we review cafes that are not Clements.

Here’s a picture of Burr giving two fingers to Clements.

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During this project we will be photographing and filming our experiences, and we will be pioneering a revolutionary new system for rating each cafe: the Burrometer. The Burrometer is a system for measuring or rating anything, using the SI unit: burr. The scale is linear and ranges from -10 burr to 10 burr; with -10 burr meaning absolute negativity, 10 burr meaning absolute positivity, and 0 burr meaning absolute mediocrity or indifference. Only integers are considered.

The first cafe to be part of the tour was Cafe Conor, on Stranmillis Road, Belfast.

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Burr will treat you to his full review of Conor shortly after I post this, but in the mean time here is a summary of what went down at the cafe: Burr’s Earl Grey came in a pot but with no milk, Michael’s double espresso was “shite” and was served with a wedge of lemon, Chris’ cinnamon steamer was a revelation to him, and my strawberry milkshake took forever to arrive but was okay because the waitress made a joke about the milk having come fresh from a cow when she brought it to me. On top of this, our loudish conversation appeared to have thrown off two guys who were seemingly about to propose to their respective girlfriends. Sorry.

Part 1 – During our Conor experience.

Part 2 – Discussion on leaving Conor.

*For details of the incident, please ask Michael to write a blog post about it. (Hint.)

Category: Burr Tour, Video Projects 5 comments »

5 Responses to “Burr’s Two Fingers to Clements Tour of Cafes, Episode 1: Cafe Conor”

  1. Johnston

    4 burr? Generous to say the least.

  2. Tom

    After this incident I guess Clements receives -10 burr?

    It is also imperative when conducting any survey of cafes to discover whether said cafes are capable of providing good quality tap water. It acts as the control. Plus it allows participants to say the immortal line: ‘A glass of your finest tap water, s’il vous plait’.

  3. Christopher David Burrows


  4. Philip

    Burrows, stop being such a douche.

  5. Michael

    Once again: Douche chill!

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