Mancunian Fever #11: Sex

Posted by Michael on April 11th, 2010 — 10:50pm

Let’s talk about the Doctor’s assistant. ‘Johnny Baillie got an assistant?!’ I hear you say? No no no. The Doctor! What to say… Where to start…

Smut alert.

I live in Manchester. It’s a world away from anywhere else, mostly because the people sound, and are, so fucking stupid. (Or as the Noel Gallagher might say, ‘Half the world away’. Yeah?) So, sex. What about it? Salford’s smartest expat, Karl Pilkington said it was ‘just something to do.’ But if in Salford sex is just something to engage in after a few bottles of White Lightning, it is a whole other concept elsewhere. Sex sells.

Take the third best show on TV at the moment – Single, Together, Whatever on BBC Switch. Hunter S Thompson described Bill Clinton as a ‘congenitally lewd man who is evil in a way that is charming’. Single, Together, Whatever is similarly immoral, but similarly charming, in concept.

I forget what lecherous assholes most teenage boys are and what fucking spiteful morons teenage girls are. Still I can’t get enough of it. The sex that is.

If you are one of our many international readers you might be wondering what Phil, Porter, Johnston et al are really like. The truth? We love anything remotely lascivious. And this isn’t a new thing. Back in the days of the 71 Malone or 70 Ladybrook I bet Phil was just dying to be lewd. Jesus, I mean, I wanted to have obscene salacious conversations about girls and stuff. Only for the fact I was more of a Charlie Kelly than a Dennis Reynolds I would have.

Porter, Thomas, JG… We all have a similar zeal for sordid topics. Back in school little did we know Thomas was experimenting with body chocolate. I mean, for some reason I wrote ‘I shot George Harrison’ on my schoolbag, but jesus… Body chocolate!

And don’t scoff, CD. This stuff is going to determine the fate of our country.

(Fuck. Mickelson just birdied again. I write this as he bounds towards another green jacket, a story that will offer some respite in the sordid saga that is Tiger Woods and his infidelity.)

All this brings us back to the second best show on TV at the moment and the newest Doctor. Great. So good. I’m still laughing at that line, ‘Yeah, it’s cool. Bowties are cool.’ But how did I hear that line? Why was I even watching Doctor Who? I have not watched Doctor Who in about two years – and the last Doctor was frickin’ great. But do you know what else is frickin’ great? Karen Gillan. A fact shown by a recent study:

Picture 1
So, I suppose that’s all the proof we need. The Doctor is back. And so are the features.

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4 Responses to “Mancunian Fever #11: Sex”

  1. Philip

    I loved the 70 Ladybrook. It was such a rare treat. That photo really looks like it’s from the past. If that doesn’t make you feel old…

  2. Philip

    Have red haired Scottish girls suddenly become more attractive? Yes.

  3. Philip

    Just out of interest – our comments from last June. If only we had seen the legs that were hidden under those jeans. Damn.

  4. Jonny B

    Must say have loved the return of the Dr, new series is quirky and generally have thought the plots have been better, and what can i say to give it higher respect in that its making me watch Dr Who Confidential, another 45 minutes of interestingness. Got to love it!

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