All I Want Is A Doctor’s Assistant I Can Bang!

Posted by Michael on January 5th, 2009 — 8:27pm

Sitting once again at my desk in Manchester, Lancashire, I started this evening with a first listen to the new Morrissey album, leaked only recently (thanks for the tip off English Glen). Now if a new Morrissey album, particularly one aptly called Years Of Refusal, gets me reflective, this news gets me excited. Sexually excited.

As reliable as the NME are, not being one to promote rumours, gossip or jump on any fashionable bandwagon they deem profitable (“Remember glowsticks kids? Yeah! They’re wicked! We’re so indie, us.” – actual NME quote) the news that Lily Allen is a possibility as the new assistant in Doctor Who is reason enough to stock up on washing detergent for all those accidents that will now inevitably happen in my pants.

As I said, thanks to Morrissey, I was already in a reflective mood before this news crashed through my beautiful, glossy MacBook screen. I realized why I was so shockingly disinterested in the most recent series of the Doctor was that there is no situation, no matter how desperate, no matter how much Morrissey I have listened to, no matter how many Daleks are ordering me to, that could result in me banging Catherine Tate. Confused? Don’t worry, a bit like Michael Scott, I have been able to draw up a couple of graphs on my Mac.

Picture 1



To be motivated to watch an episode of Doctor Who there has to be an Assistant I want to bang. Bravo, executive producer, Pierce Wenger. Bravo.

Category: General, Music, TV, Movies & Media 5 comments »

5 Responses to “All I Want Is A Doctor’s Assistant I Can Bang!”

  1. Philip

    I’m not sure I’m going to be able to respect the new guy since he looks like he is younger than me.

    Also what’s up with his head, esp. his hair? I can say with 95% confidence that the BBC will make him get a hair cut and possibly work the six shooters a little before 2010 comes.

    Was it you and Chris who were debating about Lily Allen the other day? Seriously though, who would we really like to see as the assistant?

  2. Michael

    I “seriously” want Lily Allen. SERIOUSLY.

  3. Philip


  4. Michael

    Well I sincerely doubt the next Assistant is going to be a dude, CD.


  5. Michael

    I always appreciate it when I smack you in the face.

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