Burr’s Two Fingers to Clements Tour of Cafes (Glasgow Special), Episode 6: Beanscene

Posted by Philip on February 9th, 2008 — 2:24am

Our ongoing search for a decent cafe that isn’t Clements has forced us to leave home and go to Scotland. The first of our three part Glasgow special brought us to Beanscene, Cresswell Lane, Glasgow.

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Of course, modestmango.com may be experts on cafe culture in Northern Ireland, but we certainly do not have the credentials to start critiquing cafes in Scotland by ourselves. It is for this reason that we invited friend of mm and cafe connoisseur, Aimee Donald; and long-time mm reader, Jonny Baby to help us with our review.

As you will see, Aimee uses her first appearance on a mm project to criticise my camera work. You will be pleased to hear that her lack of knowledge of photography is not reflected in her coffee expertise. And while we’re on the subject of my camera work, have you noticed the way that in all of these videos, the subject looks at me when they’re talking, rather than looking directly at the camera lens? Very Jamie Oliver, indeed.

Part 1 – Our special guests.

Am I not entitled to a comfortable seat? After making my way up to the counter myself, ordering my own drink, then paying a couple of pounds for it; am I not entitled to a comfortable seat? Apparently not.

Let me explain. I had swapped my wooden, 1970’s secondary school classroom looking chair for a nice, comfortable, cushioned one. And just as I had leaned back to settle myself in, the manager told me that I wasn’t allowed to move the chair from its original location by a small table. He then added that there were “plenty of other” wooden, 1970’s secondary school classroom looking chairs to choose from. He, of course, failed to explain what possible difference it makes whether I sat on the comfortable chair or a different potential customer sat on it instead. The only explanation I can think of is that the positioning of the chair was integral to his feng shui.

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It was a bit of a mixed atmosphere inside Beanscene. It was dim and candle-lit, yet there were widescreen TVs hanging off the ceiling. The coffee was certainly as nice as what a good cafe would serve in Belfast, and Burr’s green tea tasted like piss, as you would expect. There were unisex toilets, but it’s not as fun as it sounds.

Part 2 – Commentary from our expert + a profound insight into life.

It was very relaxed and certainly a more than welcome respite from the harsh Glaswegian winter wind outside. A long time was spent playing with candle wax before Ports blew the candle out, signalling the cue for everyone to leave.

Part 3 – The verdict from windy Glasgow + a homeless guy.

Many thanks to friends of mm, Aimee and Jonny Baby for not only taking part in Burr’s Two Fingers to Clements Tour of Cafes, but also for taking part with enthusiasm (at least I thought it was). If we had an equivalent to Blue Peter badges, you would both definitely get one.

Come have a coffee with us sometime in Belfast.

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Category: Burr Tour, Video Projects 3 comments »

3 Responses to “Burr’s Two Fingers to Clements Tour of Cafes (Glasgow Special), Episode 6: Beanscene”

  1. Thomas

    Is it just me or did Phil raise the standard of his camerawork in Glasgow? Even the dialogue was somehow more profound.

    And I think we should adopt a regular scene-stealing exit from all cafes from now on. Blowin out candles (in the wind) could be matched by breaking a glass, having a blazing argument (perhaps over whether Rilo Kiley are any good), or merely clapping our hands together in unison and singing ‘for he’s a jolly good fellow’ to Burr….

  2. jonny baby

    I second thomas’s point re: camera work. Also having now seen what goes on in reviewing these cafes, i appreciate there must be alot of time editing the videos to make them enlightening and entertaining. And the artistic ending to the video, outstanding!

  3. Philip

    Scene-stealing exit? Artistic ending? Am I missing something here, or am I a genius without realising?


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