Burr’s Two Fingers to Clements Tour of Cafes, Episode 5: Clements

Posted by Philip on January 7th, 2008 — 1:08am

It’s been five months since we began Burr’s Two-Fingers to Clements Tour of Cafes. Since then we have become the go-to place for snapshots of the state of Belfast cafe culture. These days when we go to a cafe, it’s almost as if the staff are extra nice to us. It’s almost as if they know who we are and the influence we have. And it was with this in mind that we decided to revisit the place that sparked the birth of this project, the reason for Burr wapping it out and giving the two finger salute in the first place – Clements, Botanic Avenue, Belfast.*

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[ Burr is religious about being treated with respect. ]

We went in and saw that the best table in the place was available. Was this a coincidence? Perhaps they got a tip-off that we were coming. We settled down and were approached by a member of staff. His performance on the night would turn out to be infallible. We were served quickly, he was friendly, and we really could not fault him at all. Note that I used the word performance; I’m still mindful of the possibility of a tip-off.

The drinks were of the usual high standard that we expect from Clements, with the big exception being Burr’s “gunpowder green” tea. I took one sip and could not describe it with any word other than meaty. Not meaty as in it packed a punch, but meaty as in it tasted like meat.

Part 1 – Inside Clements.

There was one more thing we had to do. You may or may not know the specific event that triggered the Clements boycott. If we really wanted to see if Clements had changed for the better, we would surely have to repeat the event to see what kind of reaction we would get. We came prepared. Michael Johnston? Check. Peanut Kit-Kat Chunky? Check. Would he be told off? Would the waiter take a huff? Watch the video to find out. (Warning: boring.)

Part 2 – Johnston eats a Peanut Kit-Kat Chunky without using his incisors like a normal person would.

Well that was painless.

It was clear that we were feeling the ripple of the stone that was thrown when we began Burr’s Two Fingers to Clements Tour of Cafes. Clements have improved their service. Cafes have improved their service. Is our work done? Never.

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And the verdict?

Part 3 – Verdict please, Burr?

* Since when was there a Clements wiki? I think it would be a crime if we didn’t edit it to include a mention of the Burr Tour. Who’s up for it?

Category: Burr Tour, Video Projects 9 comments »

9 Responses to “Burr’s Two Fingers to Clements Tour of Cafes, Episode 5: Clements”

  1. Philip

    We try to take him out occasionally so that he can practise interacting with other people.

  2. English Glen

    I think it’s nice that you kind folks are taking pity on Michael and keeping him company while he’s back home. You seem to play a very similar role to that of Scottish Stevie and I when he is in St Andrews. Possibilities of a future Michael Johnston Support Group for Those Who Are Autistic and Don’t Know It Yet? I’d like to think that one day there would be a legitimate charity for Michael and others like him. Keep up the honorable work.

  3. Michael

    You’re a cock.

  4. Tom

    phil/CD, can you send me a link so that i can log in to the site and post some of my regular quality comments…

  5. Philip


  6. Thomas

    Change of computer meant I’d lost the link. Thanks to you and Mike for sorting me out with a new one. Blog to come later in the week, slagging off the worst buffet in the world…ever!

  7. Michael

    I think we should definitely edit the Clements wikipage.

  8. Thomas

    why dont we create a wiki page for the burr rating system itself?

  9. Anonymous

    Would you bring a sandwich into subway and expect to eat it?

    Would you bring a pizza into pizza hut and expect to eat it?

    Would you bring your own steak to porterhouse and ask them to cook it?

    Can you name any other eateries that allow you to bring your own food, excluding drink onto the premises?

    And could you be bothered even answering these questions?

    Naw, didn’t think so, 


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